
I am coming to the end of the first, almost full week, I’ve spent in Sussex since last September. And the idea of going back to London is not filling me with excitement. You see, London and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship – and after some time spent away, I’m struggling with the ‘love’ bit.
I’ll take you back: I grew up in a tiny village in Sussex,
you don’t really get more remote. I spent my younger years bargaining with my
parents to take me places, to friends’ houses (all of whom lived at least half
an hour away), to train stations and, as a last resort, bus stops. When I could
drive, I spent all my time going back and forth too, it was just on my own
clock. So the idea of London, with its extensive transport network, bustle and
plethora of opportunities and events seemed like the dream – and, when I was
deciding what university to go to, I only really wanted to end up in London.
But now I’m here, and I have been for 18 months, and it’s
not quite everything I dreamed of. To be fair, the public transport is very
frequent and there are always things going on, but that’s only the beginning. I
envisioned myself spending days in museums and galleries, walking through the
parks, along the Southbank, discovering the markets London has to offer, and
being surrounded by so much excellent theatre. It hasn’t quite worked out like
that, except maybe the theatre. I took my first walk along the Southbank since
living in London last Saturday evening, and it was pleasant. But I went there
with a purpose, to see a play, it’s never just somewhere I would, as I’d
anticipated, ‘end up’. I’m yet to visit the V&A, the Horniman Museum,
Victoria Park, Portobello Road Market, Tate Britain, and pretty much the whole
of East and West London. And everywhere else iconic, I’d probably visited
before I lived in London, on day trips.
You could, very convincingly, argue that it’s my own fault:
that there are all of these things on my doorstep, and I am actively choosing
not to do them…which is partly true. But I also think it’s part of ‘Londoner
lifestyle’. It’s the same as anywhere: you never do the things that are right
on your doorstep, because they’re always there, and you don’t quite get round
to it. It’s the same wherever you live. I kind of expected Central London to be
on my doorstep, but it isn’t really, and nor is for most Londoners. Central
London always involves a bus or train journey (or a bike ride that I’m still too
scared to do); it involves battling with tourists and day trippers; and paying
over the odds for a sandwich/coffee/beer. It just requires a level of
commitment and endurance that I don’t associate with ‘a day out at home’. All
of this is fine if you are a day tripper, coming up, as I was, from sleepy
Sussex, because you’re prepared for it: you’ve got a destination in mind, you’ve
planned your journey, you’re going with a purpose – not just out, because it’s
Sunday, and you feel like you should do something with your weekend. I feel
like I’m already part of the rat race, even as a student, always in a rush in
London. I feel like I need to get in and get out as quickly as I can…because
that’s just what you do.
And that’s what I miss about home, about the countryside.
Being at home means I can hop in the car, or wander into town, just because it’s
nice weather and I want to. It’s effortless, it’s relaxing, it’s not battling
with the busyness. It means that wherever I go, I’ll almost certainly bump into
someone I know, see some friendly faces, rather than avoid eye contact with
awkward strangers on the tube. It means space. It means time. It means not being exhausted by every day. It means calm. It means quiet.
So today I’ll go back to London, and revel in all the
opportunities and events it presents. Sometimes I’ll love it and sometimes I’ll
hate it. But I go knowing it’s not forever. Knowing that I will go to London and
take what it offers me. But that, at some point, I’ll take it all away to
the countryside, only returning to London for the day trips and theatre and culture (and probably work). Because the countryside is where I belong, it's where I'm happiest.